Engagement Strategy #1: Giving Public Praise

Arrogance. Those of us who share that distinct gut-wrenching moment when we see it staring back at us as from our 360-degree feedback report know that it is met with internal confusion. The conversation, whether expressed or just internal goes something like this, “Who me, arrogant? Well I am confident, but arrogant is so extreme; and besides, I have to be confident in this business or I will be completely ineffective. No one would listen, be compelled, or buy if I don’t exude confidence.” It is hard to know where to take it because the line between confidence and arrogance is so thin. Bruce Schneider, the founder of IPEC, one of the major coaching certification programs in the US, says it well, “Confidence is believing that I know a lot, probably more than you. Arrogance is believing that I am better than you because of it.”

Ironically, arrogance is a signal that we are not confident. It announces to the world that there is at least one small corner of our being that is quite sure that it is not up to being better than everyone else. It is a way of protecting ourselves in hopes of hiding our most extreme and deep-seated insecurities; and, it has a tendency to diminish our effectiveness in all walks of life.

As with many things about leadership, the antidote to this pesky habit is simple in theory and difficult in practice. It is: Acknowledgement. In my experience, acknowledging others gets passed over because it is equated with inauthentic ‘praise’ that we are truly embarrassed to do. Somehow, it offends our sense of truth in the world. In coaching confident executives about the perceptions of arrogance they create, I’ve come to understand this: if I give praise to someone for something that I don’t admire, don’t appreciate, or don’t think is worthy of acknowledging, then, well, it is inauthentic.

My conclusion is that we avoid acknowledging others because our attitude is contaminated. When we are thinking, ‘this is a marginal, insignificant step that doesn’t deserve anything because we haven’t crossed the finish line and trumpets aren’t playing’ then praising it is absolutely inauthentic. This suggests that accessing this potently effective tool is less about a new activity, and more about a new mindset. Here are some tips to get more natural with it:

Making Acknowledgement Part of Your Leadership Repertoire

1. Observe Your Attitude. What kind of correlation is there between how engaged people are with your organizational pursuits and your personal relationship to acknowledgement? Can you receive acknowledgement or does it get downplayed? Does your own disregard for accomplishing small steps contaminate your ability to applaud others for their milestones?

2. Master Your Thoughts. When you catch yourself feeling (or having the need to feel) superior; or maybe just when you’re at a complete loss for what you appreciate about someone, ask yourself: “What do I admire about this person?” “How have they contributed to the organization or the mission that we need them to continue doing?” How quickly can you toggle from one mental perspective to the other?

3. Observe a Master. Watch people who do it well. Pay attention to how they make it flow naturally. What do you notice about acknowledgement as a mindset? Generally, the ‘acknowledgement masters’ can read a culture and can weave it into the conversation in ways that result in enlivened people wanting to give more. What language and approach do they use that would work for you?

4. Acknowledge Yourself. When the uber-high standards of great individual achievers don’t translate to their groups, new leaders get in trouble. Generally, because there is little or no habit of self-acknowledgment for less than extraordinary achievement, the leader finds him- or herself devoid of this inexpensive approach to accessing discretionary effort from others. All it takes is developing a practice of noticing and commending your own small steps. Once this becomes personally familiar, a leader is much more able to provide that kind of support for others.

5. Practice. Send an email. Stop someone at the end of a meeting or event. Try doing one-a-day for week and see what happens to the confidence of your people; and, begin to notice how confidence becomes 'pure' confidence and how arrogance becomes an old habit that you don’t need as much anymore.